Smoothies 

Why you annoy me:

• There is a new, disgusting fad unfolding in every sorority house and female occupied office cubical nationwide: smoothie consumption.  Apparently, females cannot resist blended fruits and sugars much the same way they cannot resist guys with neck tattoos and general education diplomas.
• This fad is even more insidious due to the seemingly harmless nature of the smoothie.  Girls seem to believe that these concoctions are somehow healthy.  Maybe there are a few vitamins and nutrients to be gained, but what most seem to miss is that they contain upwards of 400 calories of sugars and carbohydrates.
• This is funny, yet annoying, to me.  How many times has my question about lunch plans been answered with, “Oh I’m on a diet so I’m going to have a smoothie.”  Oh really?  You mean you are trying to lose weight by eating something with the nutritional value of a Double Whopper with Cheese?  I’d love to hear how that is going to work out.  Actually, I’ll tell you: you’re going to get fucking fat(ter).
• A lot of these smoothie drinkers use them to wash down an unhealthy breakfast.  Just ate your ham and cheese bagel?  Better drink a smoothie!  Instead of a sensible breakfast, you are consuming upwards of 600 extra calories per day.  Congrats, in a week you will be over a pound heavier.
• These smoothies aren’t even that good tasting.  They are just iced juices essentially.  Big deal.  7-11 Slurpees taste better and are only slightly less healthy.
• Most smoothie places also sell amazingly bad but also amazingly overpriced sandwiches and salads.

Possible mitigating factors:

• Smoothies make a decent dessert, the mistake is when people make them into a meal.  Soft serve ice cream is way better, but then again to each his own.
• Seeing a guy drinking a smoothie is like a huge blip coming up on your gaydar.  Remember: a smoothie with two shots of rum in it is a daiquiri. 
• If the only sort of fruit in your diet is a smoothie, you probably have to keep drinking it.