Silly Religions

Why you annoy me:

• Rather than do one page for each religion that annoys me, I’m going to knock them out in one shot…
• Catholicism.  Even if the priests weren’t pedophiles I’d be annoyed.  Your position on contraception, especially in the third world, makes me utterly sick.  You made many mistakes in the middle ages, but you’ve only apologized for a few.  I have several dogmatic disagreements with you, too.  Even though I am an athiest, I still have a passion for minute points of Christian theology.  Your position on the celibate priesthood is wrong.  The addition of “filioque” to the Creed is blatantly wrong.  Purgatory is absolutely made up and is not recognized by the Orthodox.
• Protestantism.  If I had to pick one phrase to make a generalized comment about protestants it would be, “self-righteous zealots.”  Or “ignorant philistines.”    Your sect presents an odd paradox: the less educated a protestant is, the more likely he is to believe something completely untrue, the classic example is that Catholics aren’t Christian.  However, the more theologically educated you are, the more likely you are to hold completely impractical and nauseating opinions about personal morality and government.  All about Jesus fish on your cars.  Unacceptable.
• Mormons.  Sad fools.  Joe Smith was a huckster who took your hillbilly ancestors for a ride.  If you actually read the story about how Mormonism was founded you will be struck with one thought: people who believe this are the dumbest people ever.
• Judaism.  Stop being stubborn and stop killing innocent people.
• Muslims.  Stop pretending to be persecuted martyrs when you are quite successful.  Also, stop killing innocent people.  Also, your religion’s foundation story is only slightly more believable than Mormonism.
• Buddhism.  Sooooooo 2002.  This trendy religion was popular with weak minded celebrities, but when they realized that the basic precepts were to live an honest, balanced lifestyle they dropped it quick.  Which brings us to…
• Kabballah.  Y helo fake religion.  That dude who wrote the Bible Code was a major jack off as are any other groups that “find” mathematical significance in numbers from the Bible.  Madonna should be garroted for making this mainstream.
• Scientology.  What need be said other than these deluded fools are members of a pyramid scheme based on defeating the alien lord Xenu in an epic battle for the minds of man.  The weapons?  Star power and e-meter machines which have been scientifically proved to do absolutely nothing.
• Satanists.  So let me get this straight, your religion is all about rationalizing away the guilt you feel about doing whatever makes you happy in the short term?  Sounds like evangelical Christianity as practiced by upper middle class white men driving Ford Excursions…
• Wiccans.  Stupid.  There are no Earth spirits.  There is no such thing as magic.  There is no such thing as casting hexes or spells.  Any benefit you believe yourself to gain from this shit is called ‘placebo.’  Please read my page about New Age Bull Shit.
• Objectivism.  Ok Ayn Rand, your cult of personality states that everyone is supposed to be a complete individual, free thinking and logical, who will use his powers of reason to arrive at… an objective moral code which you have already decided exists and already fleshed out.  That makes no sense.  Objectivists are jokes.  I wish you all gathered in one place at the same time so I could laugh at you all with a megaphone.