Will Smith

Why you annoy me:

• Your music is beyond terrible.  As if mainstream rap music wasn’t already written to be easily digestible by suburban teenagers, you took it to the next level of horrible: making rap music to be easily digestible to suburban adults.  GET JIGGY WITH IT!!!!!!!!

• Who are these morons that keep seeing your movies?  I cannot think of a good movie you made, yet somehow you manage to turn awful movies in cash cows.  Independence Day?  Awful.  Wild Wild West?  Awful.  Men in Black 1 and 2?  Awful.  The Legend of Bagger Vance?  God kill me.

• How does it feel to be the Jim Carey of black people?  Dignity aside, I have to imagine it’s pretty good.

• You and your horsefaced wife are rumored to be scientologists.  That can’t sit well among your target fan base.   Probably why it isn’t publicized more.

• You think not using profanity in music is something to be commended.  Nobody cares.  Well, except for the people not buying your terrible records.

• You are cast into movie roles you don’t fit at all.  No one is going to believe that this young looking skinny black dude is an elite assassin or CIA special agent.  To be fair, I don’t believe Martin Lawrence  is a Miami police officer, either.

• Your wife was great in the amazing Matrix sequels.  LOL @ ME!  SARCASM!

Possible mitigating factors:

• The Fresh Prince of Bel Air was so good, even if Carlton was the reason.

• Your star appears to be fading.

• You aren’t making music anymore.

Contact me.