Pat Sajak

Why you annoy me:

• You have made a career out of Wheel of Fortune.  I guess there are worse things, like, owning a failing record label.  Oh wait, you do that too.
• You have aged very poorly.  You look like a dehydrated zombie.
• People generally despise you.  You think you are legendary like Bob Barker, but in reality you are a smug moron who won’t be missed at all.
• Your website is a collection of your many horribly unsuccessful business ventures and a collection of your political ramblings.  Show of hands, who wanted to hear Pat Sajak inanely ramble about politics?
• Your political beliefs can be most accurately described as “vaguely conservative.”  You are definitely a staunch right winger, annoying in and of itself, but the fact is that all your expressed view points are jejune and superficial commentary.  Everything you say sounds like a poorly written catch phrase, sort of like a collection of bad soundbytes that were left on the cutting room floor of Sean Hannity’s lab.
• A cursory reading of your political rants reveals you are a benign racist and almost certainly a misogynist.  Notice I didn’t say homophobe, because in all likelihood, you are a homosexual.

 Possible mitigating factors:

• Your job at least requires you to have some talent, unlike say, Vanna White whose chief talent appears to be doing whatever she can to keep the skin on her face looking young.
• Your conservative pseudo-news commentary TV show was a horrible failure.  This reveals one thing: even conservative douche bags can’t tolerate you talking about politics.
• You’ll die happy.  Alone and unloved for sure, but happy still.

Contact me.