Teenage Mall Employees

Why you annoy me:

• Since all teenagers are inherently selfish jerks, you have no regard for customer service.  Since you are disconnected from the profits of your labor, as Marx would say, there is no incentive to work hard.  All this results in me not being 100% satisfied by my mall experience thanks to your horrible customer service.
• Also, since you work tedious long hours for your less than minimum wage job (when travel, work cloths and mall food for meals is factored in) your expectation for a fair deal has been destroyed.  This results in a lot of negatives throughout your whole life, not just work.  Just think of all the bad times you would have if you had no conception of what a fair deal is; the implications for your romantic life alone is horrid.  This leads us directly to…
• The fact that it is in human nature to seek job satisfaction and you’ll get it anyway you can.  For most this comes in slacking off until your pathetic labor is on level with your pathetic wages.  For other less noble sorts it means employee shoplifting.  And for an even more pathetic few it means…
• Finding some sort of lame social status with your pathetic job.  The best example of this would be Abercrombie and Hollister employees, but we shouldn’t leave out their less cool colleagues at American Eagle and the Gap.  These deluded fools honestly believe the particular clothing store you work at is not only something to take immense pride in, but that it defines you as a person.  I apologize for quoting Marx twice in one page, but he mentioned how de-humanizing it is to be totally defined by your occupation.  For these saps their lot is even worse: the only thing that makes them worthwhile human in their self-deluded minds is dehumanizing them in the process.  A more bourgeois notion could scarcely be conceived.
• Are these the type of people you want to buy food from?  This makes me shy away from mall food courts.

 Possible mitigating factors:

• Most people grow out of this phase of their lives.  The rest, well, the rest can be defined as the 35 year old nerd working at Gamestop and The-28-Year-Old-Looks-Slightly-Out-Of-Place-Old-Guy-Who-Works-At-Hollister-And-Tries-To-Date-17-Year-Olds.  You know the guy, and if you don’t, you will next time you go into Hollister, then you’ll be like, “Damn, Dzan is always right.”
• Speaking of expectations, my expectations of a fair deal have been so shattered by corporate America that I no longer am surprised when I get bad customer service.  Angry yes, surprised no.
• The fact that we have teenage slave labor to do “the jobs even blacks wouldn’t do” (thanks Vincente) means lower prices for people with real jobs.

Contact me.