Babies

Why you annoy me:

• A loudly crying baby is literally the most annoying thing on the planet.
• Scratch that, a parent who lets their baby loudly cry in a restaurant and does nothing about it like going outside is the most annoying thing on the planet.
• Babies are too high maintenance.  They require huge financials expenditures and consume all of your time.
• Babies don’t stop being fairly annoying until they turn 18 for girls or 24 for boys. 
• Babies force you to radically change your lifestyle in annoying ways.  If you weren’t already a square after you got married (very rare), you will be for sure after you have a baby.  There is a name for people who have babies and don’t turn into squares: scumbag deadbeat dads.  You have two very annoying choices: deadbeat dad or square.  Thanks babies.
• Babies are messy.
• Babies are stupid.
• Babies have zero survival skills.  Or any skills for that matter.

 Possible mitigating factors:

• Most babies are irredeemably cute.  This is only true when they aren’t crying.
• If you have a white, or white looking baby you can sell it into white slavery for a pretty penny.
• Babies are the hottest collectable among people my age and older.  GOTTA CATCH ‘EM ALL!!!!!1oneone.

3 Years later:  Oh God.  The menace of babies is getting stronger by the year.  Twice in the past year I actually thought, "maybe being a dad wouldn't so bad."  Even though one of those baby cravings was so I could spite a girl who said "you would be a horrible parent" I still shouldn't be thinking that.  I'm glad I snapped out of that. 

Verdict:  Incredibly more annoying.

Contact me.