Let the flaming begin. It appears someone took a shining to me enough to write a scathing (read: not scathing) blog post about my most recent article. I can't blame someone for defending their friends, it is a fairly noble thing to do. Since I can't blame his intentions, I'll have to resort to just responding in a relatively benign manner.

- First of all, he lacks common sense. Like when someone you know IM's you and it's the craziest bullshit you ever heard, a normal person would think that something was up, maybe even that someone who had it out for that person was logged on and goofing. Dan doesn't. He can't make that connection.

I suspected it was possible. I also suspected that since this has supposedly happened before (with highly negative results) he might have considered using a password or something. That sounds like common sense to me, but what do I know since I am, after all, an idiot.

- When Dan "Runs Like a Bird" Schmitz says "every girl I know" he means, literally, four girls. Their names are Lauren, Angie, Jessi and Mandi Moore. They are all dating someone other than Dan.

Read the rest of the sentence, "...who has met you." Why I would voluntarily subject any girl I know to his crude advances is beyond me, so naturally the sample I have to pick from is very, very small.

- People like the oh-so-cleverly named "Creepy McLurker" force Dan to defend people like Bob "Call me 'Doolin'" Dalton. Bob isn't anyone's friend. He's a chode and so is Dan. They live in what I call the "chode zone." If at one point you spent any amount of time with either of them (for instance, the forced company of public school) and then flirt with one of their many ex's, they will get pissed off. "Dude, you don't do that to friends!"

I'm sorry I wasn't creative enough for you, I'll break out my thesaurus for you next time. I wasn't defending Doolin at all. I've never once talked to Doolin about the cited incident. I couldn't possibly care less about the matter or it's resolution. I was citing it since it is indicative of the situations that Mr. McLurker finds himself in. If it happens once or twice, I can say they are misunderstandings or coincidences. When the situation CONSTANTLY happens I'm going to guess that its a personal trait.

- I wouldn't put it past Dan "Widow's Peak" Schmitz to be a telemarketeer. He seems like just the kind of asshole that would take a job calling people at dinner time unsolicited to sell them something. I mean, who other than Dan can find a way to be lower than even serial rapists and ravers?

Nope, I'm a paralegal. Sorry to burst your bubble.

And good job on the attack on my looks. You are a bold man indeed to make any commentary of the sort. After all, you are more than slightly overweight and your complexion is terrible. I wouldn't cast that stone if I were you, it's your choice.

- Dan believes everything he reads in the newspaper. Everything. Including the little comments that any random asshole can leave on the paper's website. This already sets him three notches back on his "annoyed meter" every morning. I don't think he can help it though, so maybe this isn't his fault.

The USA Today is a credible publication. Do you need a lesson in journalism? When a newspaper writes anything they are putting their reputation on the line. When they write something proven incorrect, they issue a retraction. In the case in question, there was no retraction so I can only assume the story stands as it is.

- His site is similar to mine, but it lacks the quality of style and content and he pays for it. Sad, dude. Also, he lets people comment anonymously. Dan hates responsibility and making people stand behind the things they say.

There are indeed some difference between our two sites. Namely, I have a readership and you don't. As far as quality of style, that's up to the reader. A cursory reading of your writing reveals a very forced elevation of language. A good writer writing this style of material is best when he writes in his own voice, otherwise it seems boring and contrived. I write train of thought, and it works pretty well. If you need some more pointers I can suggest some reading that may help you improve.

- I'm almost certain you live with your parents. This is a good way to save money, and I applaud your decision.

Saving money is a smart thing to do. Look into it. If you need investment advice I can give you a hand.

You can see more of Dan at http://youannoyme.org. Seriously, you gotta see the part about Trina the Lip Monster.

I don't expect everyone to be as purely objective as I am, but I do expect a little intellectual honesty when it comes to criticism.