The Olive Garden
 

Why you annoy me:

• Your food is microwaved.  That’s gross.
• Even more gross is that it’s expensive.  There is nothing better about your food than Fazoli’s crap, but you choose to charge 5x as much.
• Your restaurants are not upscale, but you market them as such.  Thus, all the rednecks and assorted folk show up at the Olive Garden dressed in their pathetic Sunday best and act like they are at the Disney World of food.
• Linked to that, there is always a long wait to get a damn table there.  Why?  The food isn’t good.  It’s just this crazy mythical aura Olive Garden has in the minds of white trash.
• Your food is an embarrassment to real Italian food.  Yet in your commercials, you always have these stereotypical Italians going apeshit over your microwaves noodles.  Die.
• You offer bottomless salad and breadsticks.  Whoop de doo.  Lettuce and dough!  For free?!?!?!  Those are the two cheapest food items in the world.  What’s worse?  People go fucking crazy over it!  “OMG HONEY, LOOK!  THEY HAVE FREE BREADSTICKS HERE!!!!!!!111oneone”  Yes you fucking morons, you got dressed up in your best clothes to go to an overly expensive restaurant so you could fill up on lettuce and bread.  Please die.

 Possible mitigating factors:

• Every real Italian person I know thinks you are a joke.
• Every sophisticated person I know realizes that you aren’t an upscale eatery.
• The moral of that story is, everyone who counts see through your bullshit. 
• You underestimate how much bread and lettuce I can eat.  I can only hope the few times I’ve been forced to eat there that I’ve cut deeply into your profit margins.