American Eagle Outfitters

Why you annoy me:

• You make rather cheap clothing and sell it at rather high prices.
• You are an Abercrombie rip-off.  Who would emulate them?  That’s the same as trying to be like the retarded kid who eats rubber cement.
• Your clothes consist of weird jeans or rugby shirts.  Maybe I’m crazy, but Rugby shirts are annoying and not even popular anymore.  Get a new cliché.
• On the outside chance that something you sell looks decent enough on the rack to make me want to buy it, it is inevitable that when I get it home and put it on, it looks terrible.  I would blame that on my annoying body shape, but since GAP or Abercrombie shit looks how it’s supposed to I’m going to say it is your clothes which are annoyingly cut.
• Has anyone ever said, “Oh Sweet!  A t-shirt that says ‘1979 Salty Dog Surf Contest with an arbitrary number sewn on the back!”?  I surely hope not.
• You try to pass yourself off as this surf culture store and you market to people who either participate in the surf culture, or wish they did, but you don’t actually contribute anything to it.  The beach scene has been so good to your company, would it kill you to spend $300,000 and sponsor a surf/skate/skim/body board contest?  I mean c’mon, give something back to the people who made you what you are.  I would love to see your CEO.  He is probably some fat, sweaty man.  I would probably throw whatever I was carrying at him.

 Possible mitigating factors:

• To be fair, Hollister is much guiltier than you of stealing from the surf culture than you are.  That doesn’t excuse you, but it does mitigate it somewhat.  The only reason I didn’t do this on Hollister is that I haven’t ever bought anything from them, nor will I ever, so I have no experience with their quality.
• Once in a blue moon you will sell a pair a jeans that are nice enough to buy.
• When you asked me why I was returning a shirt and I said, “because you suck and doesn’t look right when I wear it” your sales person didn’t give me any guff and just handed me my money.
• That’s it, nothing else mitigates how annoying you are.